ashlea.

silver.

2009-10-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

Malachi 3:3

“He will sitas a refiner and purifier of silver, and he will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bringofferings in righteousness to the LORD.”

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: “He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.”

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

This is totally an email forward, but regardless, the "moral" of the story is extremely helpful for me. I have a difficult time grasping the fact that God cares about me as an individual. I tend to think His love for me is obligatory, and also that it's because I'm part of the collective Bride of Christ, rather than believing that He loves ME, whom he created personally. I usually think that yes, He listens when I am talking to Him, but at the same time He is distracted by all the others vying for His attention, so He's not fully paying attention. Satan tells me it would be selfish to believe I've got God's undivided attention, too full of myself and greedy. But I know that Truth refutes that lie. He knows each and every hair on my head, He feeds each sparrow each day and cares much more for me. And yet I still can't wrap my head around the fact that He is constantly, without turning an eye away, watching and working on my life. I've never felt more loved.

'tis so unbelievably sweet.

2009-07-09T01:15:00.000-07:00

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
Beneath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust You,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that You are with me,
Will be with me to the end

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him over and over
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh for grace to trust Him more!

i gots style!

2009-06-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

I want to be this old lady when I grow up. Minus the dog, I'm not so much a pet person. I love that she says, "yeah, I have to wear these orthopedic support hose and comfortable shoes, but I'm not going to let it ruin my classic sense of style." The dress and the trench perfectly popped, rolled and cinched just ooze classic chic.

I love it.

Made with Love.

2009-02-09T19:26:00.000-08:00

Lucky you! The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.

2- What I create will be just for you.

3- It'll be done sometime in 2009.

4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a some kind of art, a homebaked treat, a mixtape?.... Who knows? Not even I!

5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did will win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!

So....who will be the first 5 people?????

::sounds::

2009-02-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

Wanted to post what I've been listening to lately, and why.

My mentions of being broke have been akin to beating a dead horse in my posts over at my creativity blog, so after this I'll stop bringing it up and just trust everyone has gotten the picture. Anyway, as a result of said broke-ness, I haven't been able to purchase any new music (and yes I do purchase music, support the art and all that, I even buy actual CD's because I like having the art in my hands!) So I've been clinging tightly to Pandora these days, and listening to mostly these two stations:

Adele

also featuring: Duffy, Sara Bareilles [really enjoying her stuff], Amy Winehouse, A Fine Frenzy [An album I own and love], Jem, Corinne Bailey Rae, Ingrid Michaelson, Yael Naim, etc...

Rosie Thomas

also featuring: Holly Brook, Sara Bareilles again, Missy Higgins, Joshua Radin, and more

Other stuff in rotation: She + Him [never gets old!], Feist [old faithful], Iron & Wine, Belle & Sebastian, Katie Herzig, etc...

I think a lot of my current thing for female vocalists/songwriters with gritty soul, groove, or just killer vocals is coming from my desire to be writing and singing. The inate craving for that comes in waves and lately it's been gigantic swells. I think the reality is that urge is always there, it's just been easy to be distracted from it when I am busy working and doing other stuff, but now with time on my hands and being contsantly in the "what does God have next for my life" frame of mind, it's screaming sometimes so loudly I feel sick.

My aunt gave me her piano and the movers brought it yesterday. I'm excited beyond words to get started building and brushing up on my piano skills [or current lack thereof] and get writing, but I simultaneously feel so overwhelmed by it, I don't know where to start. I bet Jesus will know...

say a little prayer.

2009-01-29T18:04:00.001-08:00

Jesus, Jesus how I trust you,

How I've proved you over and over,

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus,

Oh for grace to trust you more.

really?

2009-01-18T02:09:00.000-08:00

I am seeking behavior modification as the easy way out. How backwards is that!

Rather than let Jesus capture my heart, I block His advances and try to make it okay by promising to fix my actions. At the very same time, I pray with my mouth Psalm 139:

23Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

And in my head what I am thinking when I pray that is: I'm frustrated with where I've gotten myself, I don't like my surroundings, show me my sin so I can fix it and feel/look/act better... except the root of the sin, which is in my heart... just don't go there please.

The Lord has often brought me low by opening my eyes to the parallels between His relationship with me and that of a husband and wife, particularly an unfaithful wife, and this is just further example. How often have you seen marriages that are not ideal and both parties are trying to make it better by fixing fairly superficial things like circumstances and actions. Yet one or both parties are unwilling to open their hearts to the other person and as a result they both decay and their marriage dies as they consistantly deny the other person access, even if they stay together in law and proximity. The imagery of this scenario stirs deeply inside me. I am this wife. I let myself decay and ask why it happens, even though I know the answer. I beg Him to love me and pursue me, and He does. And when He does, I block Him off.

This self-preservation mechanism that wars inside of me has got it completely backwards.

[unfinished]

2008-11-29T16:02:00.000-08:00

curved, creamy porcelain: beautiful, functional.
held in hands sodden with imperfections.
inside the stains of what was temporarily, deeply satisfying entrench in permanent residence.
wheels spin as the shell is shined and polished. the inside remains ignored.

a portion of clay hardens and dries out in the great artists hands.
the stale process is wrought with simultaneously reluctant and brazen declarations of war, of independence.
in beautifully crafted timing, the artist saturates the clay with life giving water and begins to painfully and lovingly break, soften and mold.

occupation.

2008-07-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

the official list of what I want to be when I grow up {so.... now}.

[in alphabetical order]
america's next top model
anthropologie visual merchandiser
artist at large
barista
bartender
boutique owner
card maker
cupcake and treat maker
deejay
fashion designer
furniture designer
graphic designer
godly trophy wife
hairstylist
hip mama
interior designer
photographer
project runway contestant
singer
songwriter
thrift and antique store junkie
top chef
wedding planner

so in a nutshell:

:CREATOR:

to be continued...

* i n s p i r e *

2008-07-03T19:39:00.001-07:00

bumbershoot: lineup sneakpeak

2008-06-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

These are just the bands I know and love, full line-up comes mid-July.

Saturday
Band of Horses
Barcelona
Beck
Kinski
Lucinda Williams
M. Ward
Nada Surf
Neko Case
PWRFL Power
Throw Me the Statue

Sunday
Final Fantasy
Ingrid Michaelson
Stone Temple Pilots

Monday
Blitzen Trapper
Flobots
Joshua Morrison
Minus the Bear
The Offspring

l y r i c s

2008-06-17T02:04:00.000-07:00

I used to keep a "task" in Outlook at work in which I would jot down random concepts or buzzwords that came to me for writing songs. Unfortunately I didn't get to take it with me when I left and I truly am pretty upset about it. There were some tasty morsels in there that have slipped my mind and I fear the likelihood of recovering them is minimal. The reason for this is that many of them were allegorical descriptions of some thought, feeling, or experience I was contemplating at the very moment, meant to trigger my memory when revisited. So now that those triggers are wiped away, I am left with no way to remember those lessons and no songwriting material to beautify.

To be honest, I'm not sure why I am writing this here other than to mourn the loss. There is no lesson to be learned (other than storing personal information on work equipment should be avoided and now can be thanks to googledocs) and I'm sure all 3 of you who will actually read this couldn't care less. But really this blog is a place for me to partake in thought vomit and I, my friends, am thought bulemic.

SP20

2008-06-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

Sup Pop turns 20 this year and is throwing a small soiree, it's going to be a real suckfest...

Saturday, July 12th at Marymoor Park
The Vaselines
Eric’s Trip
Fleet Foxes
Flight of the Conchords
The Fluid
The Helio Sequence
Iron and Wine
Low
Mudhoney
Pissed Jeans
Seaweed

Sunday, July 13th at Marymoor Park
Les Thugs
Beachwood Sparks
Comets on Fire
Foals
Grand Archives
Green River
Kinski
No Age
Red Red Meat
The Ruby Suns
Wolf Parade

I'll be there both days if the Lord tarries.

Capitol Hill Block Party

2008-05-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.thestranger.com/blockparty

Friday July 25

MAIN STAGE (All Ages)
Vampire Weekend
Les Savy Fav
Girl Talk
U.S.E

NEUMOS STAGE (21+ first come first serve)
SING SING after party feat: DJs Pretty Titty and Four Color Zack
Jay Reatard
The Dodo's
Thee Emergency
Past Lives
Black Eyes and Neck Ties

VERA STAGE (All Ages)
Say Hi
Natalie Portman's Shaved Head
PWRFL Power
Black Elk
Talbot Tagora

KING COBRA STAGE (21+ first come first serve)
Lesbian
The Heavy Hearts
Pleasureboaters
Black Whale
Airborne Toxic Event
Truckasaurus
Champagne Champagne

Saturday July 26

MAIN STAGE (ALL AGES)
DeVotchKa
The Hold Steady
Chromeo
Menomena
Kimya Dawson
The Cave Singers
Kay Kay And His Weathered Underground

NEUMOS STAGE: (21+ first come first serve)
SING SING after party feat: DJs Pretty Titty, Four Color Zack plus special guests.
Fleet Foxes
Throw Me The Statue
Jaguar Love
Darker My Love
The Builders And The Butchers
The Hands

VERA STAGE (All Ages)
Schoolyard Heroes
Akimbo
Grand Ole Party
The Physics
Man Plus
Little Party And The Bad Business

KING COBRA STAGE (21+ First come first serve)
Zeke
Book Of Black Earth
Feral Children
Velella Velella
Voyager One
Sleepy Eyes Of Death
The Loved Ones
New Faces
Angelo Spencer

Bob NewHeart

2008-02-15T15:18:00.000-08:00

here's a link to the audio of the song I posted earlier this week... check it ouuut, yo!

http://www.marshillchurch.org/audio/GiveMeANewHeart_TSF_080210PM830.mp3

new skin.

2008-02-13T21:48:00.000-08:00

Jesus works through Supernanny. I'm convinced of this...

a punctual guest.

2008-02-11T23:47:00.000-08:00

i can't hear you.
i can't feel the word.
i don't crave you.
lost in my desires.

lord in my sin, you give grace

give me a new heart.
take out this wreckage of stone.
fill me with clean blood.
give me your passion as my own.

my heart's aching.
ruined and disgraced.
almost breaking.
all I have is you.

lord in my sin, you are faithful to me

give me a pure heart.
drive all my idols away.
rip out my wrecked heart.
help me to grieve for all my sin.

[i can feel you breaking through this heart of stone.]

[i can feel you cracking through this heart of stone.]

[i can feel you crushing all my heart and soul]

save me for your glory, JESUS, make me whole

"give me a new heart, aka bob newheart" - w r i t t e n b y t s f

oh brother(s) where art thou

2007-12-22T15:47:00.000-08:00

Whilst scrolling for updates to http://www.pollstar.com/ as is customary for me, I came across a little something that warmed my heart:

For those of you who don't know, "Behold! The Rolling Thunder" is the band fronted by my little brothers, Kale and Kory. I'm a terrible sister as I have yet to attend one of their shows, but I think they actually prefer it that way. Their style is a little too hardcore for me... I know you are thinking "but Ashlea, you are such a hardcore person" and the truth is, the thrashing and screaming just doesn't do it for me when it comes to musica. BUT the right thing to do is check them out at least once, right? Any takers?

They've been playing shows for a couple years now, but it's never gets old seeing them advertised in public forum. Good job brothers, good job.

oh sweet gravel...

2007-12-22T15:17:00.000-08:00

12/28/07 - Hollis Brown & The Beautiful Clarks @ El Corazon
www.myspace.com/hollisbrown
www.myspace.com/thebeautifulclarks

This will be my first El Corazon experience, believe it or not... I didn't even make it to a show when it was the dirty Graceland. BUT I am excited as I have been trying to make it to a Beautiful Clarks' show for a while now.

The band is headed up by a friend of mine from the Mars Hillbillies days, Billy Hatcher, a master of lap steel and all things dirty south. Billy and the band recorded a four song demo with the help of several MH friends and background vocals contributed by Rosie Thomas and Damien Jurado. The product is a melodic soundtrack that puts me in the mood to drive out to the country and lie in a field drinking sweet tea until sunset.

They are playing with Hollis Brown, whom I have not heard before, other than a quick myspace listen, but have heard good things on the street about. Should be a laid back good time.

it's show time

2007-12-18T14:29:00.001-08:00

I have made a very important decision with regards to this blog and decided to add a little feature I like to call "Upcoming Shows to Note" ... so creative and original I know. At any rate, I will be regularly posting upcoming shows taking place in Seattle and maybe even Portland & Vancouver, that have peaked my interest and I would like to or am planning to attend. I have also added a link to my "shows" google calendar(see links on righthand side) in case you prefer to view things that way vs. archived posts... this is all assuming you care to view my thoughts at all . (insert overused emoticon here)

Please feel free to leave comments with other shows I may have missed, or your thoughts on the bands I have listed. I intend to add commentary as to what kind of music it is and why I want to see them, etc... but for now here's to get us started:

1/25/08 - The Bravery @ Neumos
www.myspace.com/thebravery

1/30/08 - Nada Surf @ The Triple Door
www.myspace.com/nadasurf

1/30/08 & 1/31/08 - The Decemberists @ The Moore Theatre
www.myspace.com/thedecemberists

2/21/08 - Sia @ Showbox at the Market
www.myspace.com/siamusic

3/8/08 - Alanis Morisette, Mute Math, & matchbox twenty @ Key Arena
www.myspace.com/mutemath

As I said before, commentary to follow.

this is going to be fun...

recent fascination

2007-11-29T01:01:00.000-08:00

I can't put my finger on why, but I am utterly drawn to and fascinated by this painting.

n u m b e r o n e

2007-09-25T17:45:00.001-07:00

The Number One song on the charts...

... the day I was born: "Footloose" - Kenny Loggins
... my 5th birthday: "The Look" - Roxette
... my 10th birthday: "Bump N Grind" - R Kelly (#1 Wedding Song of all time, haha)
... my first day of Jr. High: "Macarena" - Los Del Rio (who could forget?)
... my first day of High School: "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith (Freshman Tolo memories come flooding back!)
... my Sweet 16th Birthday: "Maria, Maria" - Santana (I friggen love this song still, good Karaoke)
... my 18th Birthday: "Ain't it Funny" - Jennifer Lopez (Ah the Ja' Rule days...)
... the day I graduated from High School: "Foolish" - Ashanti
... my 21st Birthday: "Candy Shop" - 50 Cent (I just remember wanting to hear JT & Snoop - "Signs")
... today: "Stronger" - Kanye West

faith in summary

2007-08-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

1Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 2For by it the people of old received their commendation. 3By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.
4By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks. 5By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God. 6And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. 7By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.
8By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. 10For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. 11By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. 12Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born descendants as many as the stars of heaven and as many as the innumerable grains of sand by the seashore.
13These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. 14For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. 15If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.
17By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, 18of whom it was said, "Through Isaac shall your offspring be named." 19 He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back. 20By faith Isaac invoked future blessings on Jacob and Esau. 21By faith Jacob, when dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, bowing in worship over the head of his staff. 22By faith Joseph, at the end of his life, made mention of the exodus of the Israelites and gave directions concerning his bones.
23By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict. 24By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, 25 choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. 27By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible. 28By faith he kept the Passover and sprinkled the blood, so that the Destroyer of the firstborn might not touch them.
29By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drowned. 30By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days. 31By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.
32And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets— 33who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. 35 Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. 36Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated— 38of whom the world was not worthy— wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
39And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, 40since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect.

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

hebrews 11:1 - 12:2

callous

2007-08-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Silence is burning a hole in my mind
In all the noise, the solitude; both my friend and enemy
My countenance has fallen and I don't know why
Why anything
Apathy overcomes, complete indifference
And yet the irony is, I loathe my apathy
Two pumps, country bass and polka dots
I find myself wandering, searching for balance
Patent hope mesmerizes, so close yet so far
Spanish cities remind me of what's meant to be
I know you hold me, I want to feel it
I know you hold me, I want to feel it
Persimmon, dandelion, licorice, chalk
They are precious
Surely even the birds have food
Much more I, much more I
Greatness seen by lilies
Their tender demeanor and fresh dew

This is a song I wrote about 6 weeks ago or so... just thought I'd put it out there.

Salt and Light

2007-08-02T00:32:00.000-07:00

Check out these sermons... seriously fantastic. Do it. I'm not joking around here. Thank you.

http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons/20070715saltlight.html

http://www.thevillagechurch.net/resources/sermons/20070722saltlight2.html

mirror, mirror

2007-07-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God."
- 2 Corinthians 4:1-2

I confess. I am uber guilty of this; "handling the word of God deceitfully." Like Eve, my intentions are good (well, mostly), but the outcome, not so much. As an image bearer of Christ, I have not been doing my job properly, I have been a poor representation of the gospel that I owe my life too. I have not reflected Glory of God, the infinite creator, as I have been designed to do. Instead I have sought my own happiness in things created and well, let's be honest, that doesn't really work out in the end. I have sought my own glory and in the name of Christ no less, which is quite reprehensible.

Let me get more specific. Christ has called us to live in the world but not of the world. Reconciling what this looks like in practice is not an easy or quick task. I would even venture to say we spend our whole lives working on this practice as culture and our stages of life change, requiring us to re-contextualize the gospel as seen through our lives. In recent months my life has been a hands on exercise of this.

Nearly every unbeliever I have ever met has some sort of skewed vision of Christianity based on past Christians they have interacted with. This has caused me to make it my personal mission to redeem Christianity by proving how cool Christians are. I'm not disillusioned to the fact that there are a lot, a majority even, of uncool Christians who are difficult to relate to, I am also not diminishing the value of contextualization, quite the opposite. What I am trying to do is confess as my recent attempts to contextualize the gospel have turned into justification of sinful behavior. I have found myself regularly repenting of events having taken place the night or weekend before, my heart broken further each time. The friends who were with me, telling me I didn't do anything they haven't and worse, while others who have known me for years, worried at my destructive behavior and seeming to them, lack of remorse. My own thoughts trying to weed through the good and the bad, knowing the answer is not to disassociate with the unbelieving friends with whom most of my unacceptable behavior takes place, but not knowing how to merge the dualities of my life.

And now it hits me, the words of my dear sister not long after reconciling her own life. Honesty. Brutal honesty. After a dark time in her life, she left the darkness behind when she began being brutally honest with everyone in her life, no matter how much it cost her. She became a woman of integrity, her life being transparent to all. Her "lives" merged together into one perfect testimony of God's grace and mercy.

Now that it has taken me three days to write this blog, I think I am simply going to wrap it up by asking you to pray as I, with God's grace and power, merge my lives into one honest reflection of Christ.

parched

2006-12-14T18:51:00.000-08:00

Clearly I kinda suck at this whole blogging thing, but when you have myspace, facebook, evite (either I'm popular or all my friends are evite obsessed because it seems like I consistently have 700ish at any given moment) the Mars Hill members website and 4 current and valid e-mail addresses to keep up with, finding time to blog is scarce. BUT be encouraged because I am starting to see the importance of blog therapy.

For some unexplainable reason, there is something peaceful and calming about a blog. Maybe it's because the nature of it is more about thought and reflection, journaling really, as opposed to keeping up with people without having to call and finding friends you haven't seen since you were very best friends in kindergarten. At any rate, I am going to attempt to be more diligent in my blogging, quite likely at the expense of other online endeavors.

The reason for this being, I am once again redesigning Ashlea... something I tend to do every so often. Now before you start in on the "be true to yourself" speech, know that it is far more a project of finding my true self. The constant is always that I am found in Jesus Christ, who I am starts with Him. The change comes through opening my heart to His conviction and repentance.

To be brutally honest, I have felt very hard hearted lately. My mind knows that only Christ knows what's best for me and no matter how hard I try to override my heart, it still says REBEL. With my mind, I want my heart to be on mission with God, but I'm not there yet. Now I know that I will get there because I have both seen and tasted the faithfulness of God. I know that He is teaching me something and leading me through a desert so that I might appreciate water, but thirst doesn't want to wait to be quenched. In my sin I look to change my surroundings; friends, jobs, activities, physical appearance, and while God may very well be leading me to make some of these changes, my idolatry is looking to them for satisfaction before looking to God. And the irony of it is that my surroundings are not the reason for my discontentment, my looking to them is.

I've been avoiding God lately and I realized last night that the reason was because I was afraid to read the Word and get nothing from it and for some reason, likely aided by the whispered lies of Satan, I decided it wasn't worth the risk. It's the old, I don't want to get hurt so I'm not going to put myself out there. What bull! I mean really, I know so many things to be true of God, especially His faithfulness. Not to mention, how unbelievably selfish of me. I was listening to a sermon today preached by Josh Patterson of The Village Church on Hebrew chapter 2 and he shared a similar experience. He was talking about how as he read the text for the sermon, he was bored. As he contemplated why that was and what he was going to preach on, he realized that the text didn't say anything about himself. It was all about Jesus and His glory and authority over the angels, but there was nothing he could relate to his own life. He says:

"Well, I live in a delusional world of self, and worship's about me, and church is about me, and the Gospel’s about me. So here’s my hope: I just want to worship. I want to worship Him because of who He is. I want Him to be enough. I want Him and Him alone to be enough. I want Jesus all by Himself to be enough to engage my soul, to impress me, so that when I read this text I absolutely fall down at the great and glorious name of Jesus. That His name would be supreme in my life and that I would become less and He would become great; that I would no longer make the Gospel, and make scripture, and make God about me. But that I would make it all about Him because that’s exactly what scripture does. It’s all about Him, it’s not
about us. And we have got to align ourselves with that reality and that truth or the Christianity and Gospel will become ritualistic and shallow and uninspiring."

So that's my prayer, one of many I guess. That Christ would be enough and yes through that He would change me and make me an effective tool for HIS purposes, not for mine.

Patience, Child

2006-10-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

That's what God whispered to me yesterday... it's a lesson I know He's been teaching me for a while now, more clearly the past couple weeks, and last night He just came out and said it..... and I needed to hear it.

I've been really good at being patient about the future in general, knowing that God has it all in His hands and therefore I have no reason to worry or be anxious... but what I have now learned about myself is that as soon as God gives me a little taste of what the specifics might look like, I immediately throw all patience to the wind and find myself screaming "HURRY UP!!" Like Veruca Salt, "I want it NOW"

Not only do I lack patience, but I start trying to make it happen myself, working hard and at the end of the day feeling as though all that work is in vain, most likely because it is...

...So that's the kind of patience that God is now teaching me, how to trust Him not only to decide what's going to happen in my life, but to walk me there as well... at a slower pace than I might want. It's not going to happen all at once, but daily He will lead me closer and closer to the things He has in store for me. My job is to trust Him, every day, and live in the moment that He has put me in.

Patience, child, just have patience.

Grace Kelly

2006-10-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

Grace Kelly is one of the most beautiful women who has ever lived. My mom has often been told she looks like Grace Kelly and I must agree, especially the last one. Anyway, these are some of my favorite pictures of her.